Burning heart day

Today i slept in until the windows were past warm and the sun shone on my horse bright and hott as he wait for me, hungry. I crawled out of bed feeling guilty i hadnt fed him yet. I took a shower and washed the warm creases from my white puff spread from my dentable skin.i measured the time remembering i had to go to the hospital to get my test read for volunteering. I had 5 hours of day before i had to do anything. i thought about doing something worth while and productive. Instead i turned on the computer. and brushed my hair. I avoided my dad, somewhat sadly. Waited for my mom to arrive so we could go. S talked to me, soemthing happens now. whenever i talk to him i can count on feeling helplessly stupid. does he want me to feel that way, completely despise him and his typings. Still i am drawn to his conversation, and the more i want to leave the more i just set there. Something tells me to keep talking and make things like they used to be, but he won't ever stand for that again. And frankly why should i even think about him that way anymore, whats wrong with me to still feel this way. its tough to listen to people talk about their sorrowful lives, i used to feel so helpfull with my advice. Now i just dig myself in with it. "stay up too late and im too thin"





My mom doesnt seem to trust me. and things feel cooly cold between us. she wants me to be chipper and look her in the eyes when i hardly feel like letting the bumps in the road rock me in the car. Its a shame because really she has every single reason to trust me. I miss talking to the old people in my existance, the people from last summer are so far gone. i should have taken more advantage of that time, but now look..im too busy worrying about that, and now here i go letting this time past easily. I dont feel like going to bed, its too hot and i know i'll wake up to more hot window panes and hungry horses. I think i will write a bit of a story.